Monday, 11 January 2016

And I Think my Spaceship Knows Which Way To Go

Hello! Happy new one! how did we get Here? We're In The Future!

As a young girl I loved sci-fi. Dates such as this thrilled me, imagine...2016...what would it be like...?

I longed to be there. Flying, gliding cars, zooming at night above silver lit streets. Malfunctioning  automatons, androids, humanoids, running amok in futuristic landscapes. 
Dreamworlds colliding with the familiar. Birdlike children, cuckolded humans, golden feathered aliens. The extraordinary becomes the ordinary.

I gladly left 2015 behind. Then I started my usual  introspective retrospection. It's like being visited by aliens, my brain removed, laid on a Petrie dish, probed and poked, the aliens asking each other 'why does she keep doing the same thing and expecting different results?'. 

Shitty things that 'happen' to me, are they just shitty things or are they lessons that I must keep attending until I take away something of value? 

Is this my karmic journey, to keep experiencing the same shit until I recognise the red flags and act upon them instead of blithely dancing with the devil, then weeping when he burns my fingers?

I have been taking a step back, watching myself and recognising well worn patterns.
I often let situations develop further than they should, not always out of recklessness but because I'm a people pleaser.  

Work, home, friends, lovers, family. Each interaction hammering home the message, trust your instincts, listen to your gut, if it feels wrong walk away.

I haven't made a New Year's resolution since forever. But this year will be the year that I learn to stand up for myself.
Feeling trapped, feeling helpless. Those are my old patterns. They got me nowhere, they brought me nothing except a sense of injustice and a feeling of outrage.

This is my year to make changes. What kind of a parent am I if I let people walk all over me? What am I teaching my children if I let them ride roughshod over me? How will they learn to stand up for themselves if their role model is a walkover?
I don't want to be the victim anymore. I don't want to be the sad act, querulously asking 'why me?'

This is my lesson. I can do this, I'm ready to change. Really change. 

The beauty of the future is that it can go anywhere, anything is possible. The unfathomable becomes known. Dreams become reality, life begins, people change, luck happens.

Please travel with me, what have you learned? Where will 2016 take you?

Keep the faith. 

Over and out.